Sometimes Men Need.

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"Stay down. You're beat." and Cool Hand Luke says "You're gonna hafta kill me". ~ Paul Newman.

It has got to be one of the greatest movie scenes of all time -
Paul Newman playing Luke is mercilessly pummeled by Dragline, punched in the face and falling. Yet climbing to his feet again and again until his opponent realizes he is never going to stay down.

There comes a point in most mens lives when we don't get punched in the face any more, words and lawyers have made the chances of it happening less and less frequent and indeed some men have never experienced the shock and awe of a sudden smash across the bridge of their nose that releases a torrent of the red stuff. Or an upper cut to the jaw that removes a molar. I remember the last punch in the face I got - a Samoan didn't like my grin as I entered a bar in Fayetteville, North Carolina. He punched me in the face and tore my arm out of the socket dislocating my shoulder, all because I didn't know the difference between confidence and arrogance. We became good friends that Samoan and I. He taught me some stuff including the difference between confidence and arrogance. I really needed that punch.

The beatings that humble men these days are more gradual and less physical. They are broken dreams and compromises made that silently lead them to lives of quiet desperation. Lives that could do, and be, so much more become reduced to daily tasks in need of a desperate wake up call. And so, as friends, we try to wake these men up with words, motivation and appeals to their interests. We try to convince and communicate - Why? Well progress, education, civility and lawyers have taken us out of our caves. It's the way we wake men up today. Ladies do it all so much better -they talk, listen to each other, and seem to understand the dynamics. They are much more empathetic. Women understand how to use honey and incentives.

But us men, the good ones who excuse away our lives or do less than we can - and the bad ones who through selfish arrogance hurt innocents. - I'm sorry guys - you know what we all sometimes need?

A punch in the face.

Can You?

"Happiness belongs to the Self Sufficient"

Aristotle

I remember when my daughter was about five years old and we were at the local park. She had climbed to the top of the monkey bars and was screaming at the top of her lungs for her dad to come and carry her down from the difficulty and discomfort she had clambered into. I will never forget the look on the faces of the other parents when I said
“You got up there – you figure it out and get down” Oh the horror…
It was as if the devil himself had spoken. An unfeeling, cruel and inhuman Borg had told his kid to figure it out on her own and I was doomed to be persecuted in the fires of hell along with icy stares and tongue lashings from those perfectly, politically correct parents. My lack of love and concern for such a young and precious child was incomprehensible. I obviously did not love my child as much as they loved theirs. How could a father be so cold, uncaring and irresponsible?

Carol Bartz, the CEO of Yahoo and a reputed tough cookie in her own right, tells this story about her childhood:

One day, my brother and I were in the machine shed when we heard a rattlesnake above us. We didn't think about running for my grandfather — we ran for Grandma. She came, grabbed a shovel, poked the snake off the rafter, and chopped its head off. This was a big snake. And as she was leaving she simply said, "You could've done that."

So do we learn more from doing stuff or having stuff done for us? Sometimes must we be cruel to be kind? Heck I don’t know - and perhaps I have scarred my child for life with psychological and trust issues so severe that they preclude normal development and growth. But when everything is said and done I believe Carol Bartz and my daughter may have both learned a similar lesson in different ways.
If you can do it yourself – Do it.

Why Should I Listen?

"A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest".
~ Paul Simon

What happens when you finally get in front of your perfect prospect - The head honcho, the decision maker, the type A personality at the top, the man or woman in the C Suite? Whether it be an interview, a sales presentation or simply an opportunity in the elevator to make your case - what do you say? You need to get their attention or you will crash and burn just like the majority that have gone before.

Most people go with the line from the Simon and Garfunkle classic above. They wiggle a little bit until they can find something that the honcho wants to hear and leverage that as their starting point. Ok it can work for a while - but most experienced business leaders see through it and inevitably within thirty seconds they have tuned in to their favorite radio station. You know the one. The classical station.

WIIFM ~ (What's in it for me?). So what should you do when you come up against the best of the best - the leaders of industry and captains of the corporate realm? How should you kick things off?

Ask a few simple questions about their lives, what they've learned - what challenges they've faced and what they wished they knew at your age. Then drill down to the specific questions about what they want to achieve and why you are there. Yes it's sometimes perceived as blatant pandering and they certainly know what you are doing but it's better than the other stuff. The one that says talk about your stuff.

Believe me, you may think getting to your value proposition right away is smart and appreciated but the truth is ~ He already knows that stuff.

But most people go this route - the features, benefits and what we can do route. The 'why we are special' route. He's heard that one time after time. Trust me - he wants to talk- not hear what you've learned.

Let him talk. ~ Ask a few good questions and let him ask you stuff.

The higher you pitch up the achievement ladder keep one rule in mind. Start and diligently maintain your relationship with an earnest desire to learn. This will truly differentiate you. Ask Questions, Listen and Learn.

If.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." ~ Nelson Mandela.

Invictus is an inspiring film that moves the human spirit. Although Nelson Mandela actually gave the rugby player an excerpt from Teddy Roosevelts "Man in the Arena" speech as opposed to the "Invictus" poem Hollywood portrayed, the sentiment was heartfelt none the less.

The strength of the human spirit has been immortalized in eloquent verse and captured on film to inspire for as long as we can remember.

The epic poem If by Rudyard Kipling has long held a magical spell over many of us. This classic gem serves to inspire us each to be better than we are. In the pantheon of historical art it's a masterpiece.

Select your own favorites - read and relive the words that stir your soul - revisit and watch the films that inspire you. Let's each renew our commitment to strive and be just a little better with immortal works like

If - and - Invictus

What Bosses Want.

"Just Do It."

What is the common denominator that all bosses want from their employees or associates? Whether it be large or small companies, public, private, military or civilian the answer is always the same. In the words of an old country boy they want someone that can "Git er dun".

Elbert Hubbard said it very well in his famous story, which has since become one of the most published documents in the history of the printed word. It's the story of a man called Rowan who was instructed by the US President to simply  ~ "Take A Message To Garcia."

In 1898 when war broke out between Spain & the United States, it was critical for the President of the United States to communicate quickly with the leader of the Insurgents. The leader, Garcia, was somewhere in the mountain vastness of Cuba - no one knew where. An aide to the President said he knew of one man who could do the job. His name was Andrew Summers Rowan, adding if anyone can do it Rowan can.

Take a look at A Message to Garcia from the point of view of the leader, President McKinley. Faced with the need to notify Garcia in the jungles of Cuba, he trusted one man, Rowan, with the nearly impossible ~ Why? ~ Because  Rowan had established a reputation as a self motivated man of discipline and initiative. He'd "Just Do It".

Rowan lived in a log cabin that he had built with his own hands and was known as a man who could be relied on. He would get it done. Rowan didn't ask how, or why, or plead for help or instruction to complete his herculean task he simply heard the request and then figured out a way. Andrew Summers Rowan set the standard for every disciplined individual who is able to adapt to unfavorable circumstances and maintain their sense of mission. People who get the job done without whining, complaining or negotiating outcomes and deadlines.

What do ALL bosses really want? They want a Rowan they can depend on. They want someone they can trust to get stuff done.

Read the complete text of a message to Garcia with a translation in English and Spanish

Can't means Won't.

The only easy day was yesterday.

I have a brother in law, Eric, who is a retired Gunnery Sergeant in the Marine Corps and he has a brother, Danny, who served for many years as a Navy Seal. Now between my being an old soldier and the way Marines talk about the Navy boys good natured ribbing is par for the course when we share a drink together. But you know those boys in Coronado have a tradition that i really love, it's called "ringing the bell".

Part of the lore of Navy Seal "buds" training is that at any time during training a candidate can quit by just going up and ringing the bell that's hoisted on a post on the beach. The instructors primary objective is to weed out those who can't take the demands, discipline and teamwork required to earn the right to wear the coveted trident and get them to quit.“If you quit now you could go get a room at one of those luxury hotels down the beach and do nothing but sleep for an entire day!"
The appeal of the siren song to take a proverbial knee is compelling.

But a few don't ring the bell, (a very few) they won't even consider it - it's not an option. What is it that seperates those that do ring the bell each day on their dreams, goals and higher standards from those who don't? I think it is what happens in the minds of those who achieve consistently what others don't. They tell themselves something that others don't. They ones who make it understand a simple phrase:

"Can't means Won't".

The Fisherman.

"Life is to be enjoyed, not endured." ~ Gordon B. Hinckley.

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!" The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer."

And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat and hire some people to work for you!"

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!" Once again the fisherman asked,
"And then what will my reward be?"

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!" The fisherman, still smiling, simply looked up, nodded and said: ~ "And what do you think I am doing now?"