People Don't Change - So?

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"Be the Change You want to See in the world" Gandhi

Have you ever had a flaky friend? The one that frustrates you with being chronically late just when you were depending on them to be on time. The one that assures you they are going to do something but you know they aren't going to come through. You love the fun times and easy going nature with these friends but try to impress upon them how important being dependable to you is and they just don't see it as a problem. Trying to change them is a lost cause - So what do you do? People don't change what they can't see - And they certainly don't change actions or behavior which they believe they have good reasons for. Almost all behaviors we have are learned very early in our lives and patterns are difficult to change - So what do you do? Don't try to change others - Change Yourself. It doesn't matter how well intentioned, persuasive or selfless your message to them is - it's not going to effect behavioral change in those you care about UNTIL that person takes ownership to change them-self. In the meantime change yourself - Be The Change. Set the example of what you want. That is all you can really do - and for some people that may be just enough.

Differentiating Yourself

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"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you..." Gandhi

How do we differentiate ourselves? What characteristics, traits, actions and accomplishments mark people who differentiate themselves significantly from the rest of us? In my experience it's rarely a small incremental difference. Usually those who make a difference strive for something, an internal standard that only they initially understand - but it's significantly different than the status quo. As human beings we naturally resist and fear that which we do not understand and so these 'different' people encounter an inevitable series of responses to their difference. Every person,over centuries of human accomplishment, has encountered these series of responses. Sometimes the response category lasts for years and sometimes it defeats the would be initiators of change leaving another to pick up the mantle at a later date. But the series of responses - the way people deal with these difference makers is always the same. How, as human beings, do we deal with these people who strive to be the 'difference makers'?

• First We Ignore them

• Then We Ridicule them

• Then We Fight them

• Then we Copy them

Only those who make it through all 4 become 'Difference Makers'





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What Are You Afraid Of?

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"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." Nelson Mandela

I was more scared than I've ever been in my life and to make it worse I was trying my best to pretend otherwise. I had always had a tremendous fear of heights. Yep here was a guy who was trying to become a special forces paratrooper and he's afraid of heights. You've heard all the jokes "Who in their right mind would want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane?" But they say you need to face your fears in order to overcome them and that you need to want to become something bigger than that which you fear. I wanted to become something bigger than the sum of my fears. I'd heard the story of the thousands of paratroopers that jumped on June 6th, 1944 over Normandy and with their courageous actions those men had changed the face of history. On that day there were four men amongst the thousands on those planes who refused to jump. Four men who cowered to their fear. Four men who when faced with fear withdrew. What kind of regrets did those men have to live with for the rest of their lives? Don't be amongst those timid souls who look back on their lives with regret. Take a lesson from the wisdom of Nelson Mandela "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Face Fear And Take Action. Go ahead and JUMP - Do It - Take Action Now - Trust Me - You Won't Regret it.

How To Get Attention.

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."As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do." ~ Andrew Carnegie.

An old army sergeant inherited a talking parrot from a recently departed relative who had run a busy dockside bar in Boston. For the first few days in his new home the normally talkative parrot was distinctly shy. The old sergeant, despite his stern and disciplined ways, felt sorry for the bird, and gently encouraged it with soft words and pieces of fruit. After a week or so the parrot began to find its voice - a little at first - and then more so. Responding to the kind treatment, the parrot's vocabulary continued to recover, including particularly the many colorful expressions it had been taught in the dockside bar. The old sergeant began to be quite irritated by the parrot's incessant rudeness, and after a few more days of worsening profanities, decided action was required to bring the bird under control.

The sergeant tried at first to incentivise the parrot with the promise of reward for good behavior, but to no avail. He next tried to teach the bird a lesson by withdrawing its privileges, again to no avail; the parrot remained stubbornly rude. Finally the old soldier flipped into battleground management mode; he grabbed the bird, clamped his hands around its beak, and thrust the struggling, swearing parrot, into the top drawer of the freezer, slamming the door tightly shut.

The swearing and struggling noises continued inside the freezer for a few seconds and then abruptly stopped. The sergeant listened for a while and then, concerned that the parrot's shock might have been terminal, carefully opened the freezer door and opened the drawer to look. The parrot slowly clambered out of the drawer and perched on its edge. "I must apologize for my rude and disrespectful behavior," said the parrot, ~ "I promise never to use bad language again."

"And by the way - What did the turkey do?"

How To Be A Man.

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"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."~  John Wooden.

There are men who define what it is to be a man and I was about to shake the hand of such a man. It's something I will remember for the rest of my life. "Coach ~ I'd be honored if you would sign your book"

Honored was an understatement. Here stood a man who exemplified everything I believed a man should be. Principled, tough, tender, competitive, disciplined, and a man of faith who lived to help others realize more of their god given potential. Coach John Wooden was a true testament of a mans life filled with meaning and substance.

Coach set the bar so high that the rest of us could only hope to achieve and be one tenth his measure. The numbers are legendary.

An 88 game winning streak - Four 30 - 0 winning seasons - Championship after Championship, Ten of them over all and 38 straight NCAA tournament wins. But his numbers were not what impressed me so much - it was the man, his character and the influence he had on other men. The players who bought in to his principles would one day become lifelong friends and those who didn't would never understand.

There was the legendary day that Bill Walton, already a superstar player and a rebellious young firebrand, showed up at practice with a fiery red beard growing on his chin. Coach Wooden had a policy of no facial hair and Walton exclaimed "It's my right". That's good Bill, Wooden replied. "I admire people who have strong beliefs and stick by them. ~ We are going to miss you."

You will read many stories about Coach Wooden. How he refused to play his team in the NAIB tournament because it wouldn't allow black players to compete - how he married his high school sweetheart, the only woman he ever dated, and remained with her for life - how his winning percentage of .813 will probably never be equaled -how in forty years he never made more than 35k a year coaching and when offered ten times that amount in a year to coach again for UCLA he refused. How after his wife died, in 1985, he continued to write a letter to her on the 21st of every month until the day he died, twenty five years later.

He was an honored veteran of World War II, a member of our greatest generation and he was THE COACH. He graciously signed my book, smiled, and thanked me for my interest ~ He Thanked Me !!

I came away from my brief meeting with Coach John Wooden with a treasured memory, a book of wisdom and a warm handshake from a man who set the bar on what it is to be a man so high that I realized I had an enormous amount of work to do. ~ Rest in Peace Coach.

The Finest Trait

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"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else." ~ John Burroughs.

For many years I've observed men as they barter their way through business, battle, and boardrooms and have come to the conclusion that there's one trait that stands head and shoulders above all others.

Accountability - the way some accept it and others avoid it is what separates those who earn respect over those who deserve derision.

During interviews, one on ones, personal interactions or fleeting acquaintances the man who sits across the desk , or crosses our path, determines who he is, in my mind, with a simple response:

Does he deflect or embrace accountability? Does he make excuses? There are some that we need to ask to stand up - Just to see if they really have a spine. ~ Some wobble like jelly, pointing fingers and pitching reasons. They boast of successes and blame for failures.

Then there are some, a rare few, who really inspire us, with a willingness to embrace responsibility and accountability for what they do with their lives. They never make excuses - Never give reasons or point fingers. They accept accountability for who they are, what they've done, what they do, and what they are going to do . And whatever the outcome may be - They exemplify a phrase with ten simple words.

"If it is to be - It is up to me." 

Accountability.

Who are You - Really?

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"If you don't want to see it on the front page of the newspaper..."

Social Media is now the dominant communication venue for person to person interaction. Facebook logs more unique daily visitors than any other website on all the search engines (by a considerable margin). The median age of users is now firmly in the camp of consumers 30 - 50 years of age and business is scrambling to figure out who they are so they can interact. People everywhere are now starting to make decisions based on what they learn about you and see on social media sites. So why does the average user try so hard to keep up so many versions of themselves? They have the professional, business focused, version on Linked In, the party animal on one facebook page and the company/politically correct version on another. A twitter account that spouts short missives, perhaps a myspace page and sometimes a blog. Each with differing views of their cyber persona. We each have various sides to our personality and there should certainly be room to view the fun side of each of us. But when we show one side to one group and quite another to a different viewer the question becomes "Who is this person really?" Perhaps the person posting isn't quite sure themselves and is still in the process of forming their true character. Perhaps they are merely having fun, letting of steam, being satirical or just having a laugh. Regardless, todays TMZ styled media has trained us all to view and pay attention to the shocking over the sincere. So perhaps the caution should be "What you post in cyberspace is permanently in cyberspace" the version of you posted that shocks will garner the most attention. The picture of you with the lampshade on your head will invariably become your avatar to the world. Perhaps that is one of the reasons behind the privacy hoop la that concerns so many. So post who you really are, what you really think, and what you really believe. Have one true version for everyone to see - Let us understand who you really are.
If it includes a lampshade - So be it.

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